Innocence

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Life has recently felt like being just half a second ahead of an all consuming tidal wave. Dancing, breathing, & a mostly healthy relationship with stimulating plants, like coffee and cacao have aided me in these demanding moments, though I feel adrenal exhaustion approaching.

Being in classes that repeatedly stress the ecological crisis created and amplified by my own species weighs heavily on the subconscious. How am I supposed to relax when the Earth is dying? How can I shift so quickly into laughter and play when species are dwindling, when water bodies are degrading, and when everything seems to be the fault of a perceived superiority over the rest of the planet? It feels a lot like if I don’t take responsibility, then who will?

Just as I am on the verge of crumbling, a slow and all pervading stillness finds me.

On a candlelit night of singing lullabies to myself, while sipping on rose and tulsi tea, I pull a card from an Osho deck that makes me giggle. It’s an image of an adorable bearded man holding a praying mantis in his hand. The theme is about the innocence that emerges when we drop every conceptual framework that has been instilled within us.

“Zen says that if you drop knowledge–and within knowledge everything is included, your name, your identity, everything, because this has been given to you by others, you will have a totally different quality to your being-innocence. This will be a crucification of the persona, the personality, and there will be a resurrection of your innocence, you will become a child again, reborn.”

Perhaps one solution lies in innocence. Yes-we need every compelled person to mitigate our mistakes, but we still need to move deeper into the root of our species’ behavior, which could be a lack of honoring and celebrating the magic of this planet, while it is still here. Innocence allows for play in the midst of much suffering; it is innocence that emerges at the realization of the baffling miracle of existence.

With these thoughts, I soften into a deep sleep of sparkling and playful dreams.

What are the things that restore innocence in your life?

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